The Art of Choosing Friends
We’ve all been in at least one instance where our friend betrays us and we think “Why did I even choose her to be my friend? I should have been wise before making her be my close friend.”
The reason is we don’t decide on who should be close with, we let people in into our social circle without putting some serious thought. Luckily there is a reliable way we can choose whom to make our close friends as.
Before going on to decide that, you need to understand more about the most important person in life — Yourself
You can’t choose whom to be close with unless you understand yourself
One of the most important things you can do to understand yourself is to articulate your values — because that’s what will decide who you are, how you behave, and will help you make tough decisions. Good values serve as an internal compass that drives you in the right direction in life, and that’s why knowing what your values are is important. Some of us clearly know what our values are, but others find it difficult to even know if they have any; however, given enough thought and with the help of certain tools and techniques anyone can articulate their values.
Value-driven friendship
Your values not only about yourself but also can help in who you should become close with. When you become close to a person who has conflicting value with that of yours, you’re gonna have a hard time dealing with them, because both of your interests may not coincide most of the time. Moreover, they may not appreciate what you believe or do, and vice versa; which primarily has been the root cause for many failed relationships. Hence it is important to choose people who have similar values to yours before becoming close to them. However, all these apply only if you have good values, but if your values aren’t good you probably need help.
Having a friend with similar values doesn’t mean you and your friend’s actions will be similar; two people can have completely different behaviours and still have similar values. And that’s how your close friends should be — having similar values but can have different behaviours.
For instance, my primary values are learning, commitment, punctuality, helping others, and being sensible. Pick any of my close friends, I’ll be able to confidently point out at least 3 to 4 of those values in them. Not only do my current friends have some of those values, but I also use them to filter those who I can choose to be close with. In this way I design my social circle mindfully, letting only those who help me in making me a better person.
